


Whistle Down the Wind

by Lulzy (likelolwhat)



Series: For the Love of a Meme [6]
Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Community: skyrimkinkmeme, Dark Comedy, Gallows Humor, Gen, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Skyrim Kink Meme, Why Did I Write This?, and Lydia as completely justified, or Lydia might be overreacting and a sadist, or just Gallows, you can read Alec as being a truly horrible person, your choice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-05
Updated: 2014-11-05
Packaged: 2018-02-24 04:30:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2568257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likelolwhat/pseuds/Lulzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's well known in Skyrim that the Dragonborn, the savior of Nirn, was an ass and his long-suffering burden-bearer Lydia is a saint. Isn't it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whistle Down the Wind

**Author's Note:**

> De-anoning from the skyrimkinkmeme, [a misfire fill](http://skyrimkinkmeme.livejournal.com/4580.html?thread=10181604#t10181604).

It was well known in Skyrim by now that the Dragonborn, the savior of them all, was an ass.

What kind of ass — bubble, flat, beefy, bony — wasn't  _quite_  as obvious, but as soon as she got back to Whiterun Lydia was going to send a courier to every city in Skyrim to proclaim in the streets that it was determined, after much trial and error, that her Thane was a  _troll's_  ass in particular.

Yes, that would get the message across to whoever was fortunate enough to have never met the man.

"Lyyydiaaa~! ♥" Alec was calling,  _again_. She sighed, hefted the pack — piled high with things only described as "what junk would call junk" — that he'd forced her to carry weeks ago, and tottered over to her Thane. She contemplated, for far longer than anyone  _not_  in her position would have, simply shoving him off a cliff (and throwing the pack down after him for good measure). But surely her Thane deserved a more spectacular death.

Perhaps if she could find a bear... Unfortunately, they seemed to have deserted the Pale at a most inopportune time, as she hadn't seen one in days. That plan went out in the cold.

"Lyyyyyyydiiiii—"

Her eyes had long since become stuck mid-roll. "Yes?"

"I think it's time for us to part ways."

Sensing he was about to do something immensely stupid, she sat down on a convenient driftwood log and started picking at her nails. She heard him moving away towards the sea.

"Dragonborn's log, 4th day of Sun's Dusk—" she heard him say loudly a moment later, and she looked up to find him stripping out of his fur clothes.

This would be good...

"—Year 2-0-2 of the Fourth Era. Let this forever be known as the day I, the Dragonborn~! rediscovered Atmora."

Talos' hairy balls. Had that bandit's mace hit him harder on the head that she'd thought? Maybe she should've given aid first instead of telling him what a fuckwit he was to skip blindly into the camp...

On the other hand, this would probably be entertaining, and definitely was his fault regardless.

He was only wearing his smalls now, and shuffling towards the water. "Swimming to Atmora, attempt the first. And the last." He dived in with a splash before she could betray herself and protest. Well, no one could say she hadn't done her duty; he'd ordered her to leave after all. 

She stood up, leaving the pack where she had dropped it — only an hour into Dawnstar, anyway — and began to amble back the way they had come.

"LYDIA!" the high-pitched scream like a Talos-worshiping cat caught by the Thalmor made her turn around. He wasn't too cold to yell yet? "PLEASE— COME BACK!"

Oh. Slaughterfish. Of course. "But you're doing so well!" she called back, just able to see him bobbing in gray water twenty feet out. "Nords never say die, remember?!"

"HALP!" he screamed again, and she winced as his yells suddenly cut off. She couldn't see him anymore.

"Well, fuck."

She stood there staring into the snow for a few minutes, beginning to sober now that her Thane was no longer there to drive her crazy.

" _Fuck._ "

**Author's Note:**

> For those not in the know, a "misfire fill" on the meme is the traditional community reaction when someone accidentally posts a comment on a prompt/fill at the top level — so a) it looks like a prompt at first glance and b) it isn't obvious which prompt/fill the Anon is reacting to. When this happens, an Author!Anon writes a mini-fill incorporating something about the comment.
> 
> In this case, the Anon said "Please come back! You have such a good start!", so I made that into dialogue and ran with it and my dark, dark mind.
> 
> Seriously, I'd wanted to write Lydia initiating sex and leaving Alec hanging mid-act, but this popped out instead. A deathfic! *cries* Muse, y u so weird?


End file.
